some products just make you smile…

Okay i know your not suppose to say this but there are things i love. love. yes. material items i love…products that make me happy. While on Pinterest today  i realized I look up a lot of the same things/items/foods over, and over, and over, and…well you get the picture….i will share with you a few things i just like – love…just a few…happy monday.

MEYER LEMONS – so yummy, and so many uses…how can you go wrong with a lemon that just is happy to be half lemony half tangerine like…it is a great little fruit.

MEXICAN FOOD – LOVE- you give me some steak and a shell, spice. heaven. i think that i could eat mexican food everyday all day – and don’t get me started on tequila…Milagro…you are yummy.

KIEHL’S – their body wash –  love the smell, the way it feels….mmm Kiehl’s is always a good friend.

body wash

WATCHES –  I LOVE watches all sorts. i love watches…i love them. have one on daily.  AND yes. yes i am always late.

FLIP FLOPS – LOVE. live in them…can’t live without them. My favorite used to be the J.Crew ones with the striped ribbon…i have to find a new favorite they are gone…i will find a new love and i do have one pair of TEVA’s that have cute stripes…but the thick band – soft they are still my favorites.

SPLENDID – the brand. their shirts are long – LOVE so your not constantly fixing an exposed arse….and or other assets…i have to say these pants i have lived in. LIVED…if they could talk…

IPAD – i am addicted to it. I don’t like sending big emails from it but i do love to prop it next to the TUB and watch abc player/hbo go/nbc player or a downloaded show…it is so nice to be warm and left alone. I love to FaceTime my family…it is a useful tool and one of the only things in this house that is MINE. i have a routine at night and day of what apps i use etc…a routine on an iPad…sad? yes, mine? YEP!

NARS – i like their lotions but i LOVE their lipsticks. they are soft and smooth. and have rich colors. now if i could learn not to eat off lipstick or where i leave them…i might actually look put together.

ISI TWIST AND SPARKLE: if you are trying to get off soda, or want to spruce up lemonade for the kiddos. YOU NEED THIS. today i took a pomegranate juice (from trader joe’s) and made it to a soda- okay just added fizz, but come on, my brain is slow like that it is SODA to me….it was sweet…it got rid of the soda craving and in the end it was a better drink. YOU need this. another great use: if you do Vodka tonics/ or Vodka cranberry’s …you can fizz the cranberry/or water and WHOLA a whole new drink. LOVE This thingy. just do. yep.

SPARK – by Advocare. You may have to try it more then once. but it works and has changed my life. silly right? but i have cut out that afternoon coffee/ caffeine need. it keeps me going. i love it. truly. not like other energy drinks. no gagging and no buzz…

SOMA – their vanishing edge panties. love them. no need to show a picture. i love them. truly. and some of their other wear – well it is pretty sweet too. soft. soft soft.

YIKES

i got so excited writing these out i just realized the kids are fighting…i am not about to share my fizzy drink so i might just have to make them one of their own and move on for the day….happy trails to you all…

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Progression

Progression –
I just keep thinking that about that. From daily progressions to BIG life ones. The life ones. The ones that make you stop and go, really? This is how it goes?

My examples of life/small/big:

Hats:
made to wear one,  refuse to wear one because not cool, wear one to hide hair, won’t leave the house without one – why would we,  it is cold out.

Bras:
can’t wait to feel old enough to wear one, wearing one only by “snapping it in the front and turning it around, to wearing one to appear bigger/attractive, then hate to put one on, have to wear one or you will trip on your parts, finally can not wear one can’t reach to hook it.

Friends:
want a ton. want to be a part of a big group. want all different ones (that way you have more people to go drinking with, fall backs, from different classes that way each day of the week someone can stay out) Next you want that great wedding, need all friends,  we all hit the stage of can’t tell old/new ones …good from bad. Feeling used by the group. Wanting only a few pals – the ones that are married, or have kids the ones who get it, you can’t always get out or call. Now, you crave or want one/two small group that understand the loss of your mother, a bad day and can make you smile. Finally – you want at least one just to feel like you belong, finally your own group.

Then there are the BIG life ones. Losing a parent, marriage, kids, getting older, 

LOSING A PARENT:
In your life you think – “I can not ever imagine living without my parents.” You are afraid that they will die. THEY can NOT die. No. Then you go through the age that you think my parents know nothingNOTHING. They don’t get it and you cannot wait to get away from them. Then, you can’t believe your parents and you have not been best friends this way my whole life? In fact, you at times are semi bummed that you never knew you could have so much fun together. They are blast. Next you have kids and think how did my parents never kill me if this is what it is like? Then you lose a parent and you think – I don’t think that I can live without my mom. Then one day you wake up and think “wow she gave me a lot to be thankful for”. You strive and  hope to give to your kids at least a glimpse of what you did as a kid, were taught. And it turns out the parent(s) you have left are awesome and you should not forget they are there. They are not going anywhere today. Think positive and think they are getting to be your friend now as much as your mom was (albeit a different friendship but you have the luck of sharing what you and your mom did or some silly stories) but it is a  great relationship and you see a bright future (all the while still missing your mom – but there is the reason she gave you the “tools” she did).

Progression sometimes are or come from being positive? Which way does it go for you? Do you see the progressions in big ways? Only in small? Do think negative about the small ones and long for the big ones? Or is it all the same? Some of the things in life as you progress go better if your positive.

Every given day is different for me. Some days it is the simple : I got up. I got coffee. I got the kids to school (would like to add, that there are days that I wish they would give out lollipops & stickers that said I survived drop off but that is another days story). I got the wash done…so on: I properly picked at my face, got rid of those crazy hairs…surfed pinterest…you know the important stuff. I think that this is part of being Positive. As long as you see things in a positive light – the little things seem like big progressions in your day/life.

With that in mind, today I am thinking of the progressions going on in my life. My husband has been working hard on some projects – he is progressing – moving forward. My kids are progressing – their fighting is less ? No not that, let me pick another, they stick less things up their noses! WhEw I knew I could find one, they actually can let the dog out and back in. Myself.  My progression is working on being more positive, and  I liking myself a bit more. Well, with the exception of the usual – body, hairs, ear lobes, pasty skin etc…but in general. Today I like the silly in me. I like that I sat and talked to my kids all the while glueing three bags worth of conversation hearts to a styrofoam cone for a decoration. That is just a silly thing to do. (I refers to the glueing  – not the talking to my kids – but then again I do have one sassy sad child today and not talking to her could be a positive. You know those days where your little people just sit and whine/cry about eVeRythIng )

I don’t have to be hip or cool. I don’t always have to be all serious and  know the answers. I know that I am silly, I like DUMB things. And well that is just fine, today. Growing up is a progression but today – I will stay in this mood of recognizing that I have progressed to be me, me today. This is called POSITIVE PROGRESSION. Right? I can give myself a clinical diagnosis today. That makes me even more Progressive. And Positive

Hoping for positive thoughts and progression to you – whether it be BIG or small.

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Rules and Adaptations or something fancy like that…

20111201-212819.jpg

Stella, Katie, Theron, Nephew Ryder, and Oliver...

Some one gave me a book once called
I WAS A REALLY GREAT MOM BEFORE I HAD KIDS

I love that concept.

All the things you said in your head out loud. All the things that your family members (younger/ older, say about your kids…mainly because they are so ancient they do not remember raising them or never ever had a kid)

HERE are my examples –

EXAMPLE: You were in a store thought – Who in the hell thought bringing a kid to the toy store was a good idea? WHY don’t they stop them from screaming? I totally would never do that to my kid.

NOW REAL LIFE: (This goes for ANY store, at ANY given time but for example sake….we will do a toy scenario) Ugh! I say to myself, have to get that last-minute gift for a kid… that I JUST remembered now. I am ALREADY at target and yes, I know to avoid the toy aisle. BUT come on – I only have one kid with me. How bad can this be….fast forward 8 nano seconds and you have a screaming kid SIDE NOTE: SOMETIMES I think that I am raising irish whalers – if you ever need a crier at a funeral, PLEASE feel free to contact me. I seem to have what ti takes to get anyone of the kids to cry at ANY given time. I digress, back to my scene…My child is on the floor and I think? MMM…the toy I want is in the next aisle, just steps from where I am, IT IS at the end. I know HE is NOT going to be moving, this I know. (Side note: all my other kids freaked if I walked away. I now have one that could.care.less) Okay, I will duck around the corner (four steps) grab it, it’s not like I can’t hear him and I will be back to deal with him. As you step back into the aisle – the NON kid person says “wow you have your hands full.” Really? Along with other things go through your brain. That is your big contribution to my situation? WOW. Thanks. Why, yes I do. OR you can do like me and say: Oh, I only left him there because Target has the best exchange policy, and this is the aisle I found him in originally. I only stepped back – because you looked interested and I thought I would tell you all he has to offer. Like listen – his lungs are A+.

SEE what you have learned after having kids. NO matter what aisle you are in – YOU do not have a direct wire to your kids brains. You know the one you could just push to zap them into good behavior. You do not control them. At least not the way you would like at all times (sometimes yes but – ) You have learned you just have to keep functioning. No choice.

EXAMPLE: Who let’s their kids outside when it is cold with no coat, let alone no shoes and socks? DO they have nuts for brains?

REAL LIFE: Who DOES that? ME. That’s who. If you knew all the wrestling that has been done in this house for a coat… I have begged at times to put coats on. Offered candy, rewards (yes more things I said I would NEVER ever do)…but no one listens. So now, on a chilly day – I say to myself – Fine! You want to go out to play – go you’ll be sorry. I don’t have it in me to fight any more….AH heck, they will come back if they are cold, they just will. It will be their problem and my deodorant will not be put to the test. THAT IS who! People like ME.

SEE what you have learned to pick battles and yes this is an important one…but really in the grand scheme? Really? USE this fight or battle for the toy aisle. I figure that when the neighbor says stuff at the bus stop like: Did you not see your kids yesterday, they did not have socks on? I will respond – I knew they had gotten out, but it was just to cold for me to go outside to look for them. 😉 Next time since you seem to be able to watch them so well, could you fetch them and get them into coats.

SIDE NOTE: My oldest and his buddy – up the way, all last winter ran back and forth without coats, socks or shoes…Even at times that were pretty cold…BOTH lived, and are great at math and reading – IS there something to the cold? Probably not….but never rule it out – smarties 🙂

EXAMPLE: IF I had kids they would be dressed like a million bucks, not stupid t-shirts AND they would never be dirty. Always combed hair and looking proper.

REAL LIFE: You do buy nice clothes but only to hide all the above: the dirt, the uncombed hair, the bad breathe. Even with that your child will adopts some foreign character they love and you concede and let them wear a shirt with the icky character to bed. All the while bleaching the heck out of it so that it fades and you don’t have it for long. You have a child that goes APE shit (excuse the fancy language…I should say – goes wildly unstable) when you wash them (hands or face) and it is a nice day so forget it – send them outside! They are going to get dirty anyway…Why not just do ONE clean up later, you know way LATER. YOU have a daughter with the Craziest curls and they form knots that a sailor would be proud of. She acts like you have just beaten her with an electric eel when you comb it. So you decide to just act like she has bed head each day. Knowing full well you just avoided a fight and she does not have behead just neglect. But you were on time for school.

SO my point today? I say this to all parents. DO these things make us bad parents? Or in the end, are we better parents? We know our children just that well. We can block the screaming. We can avoid the fighting. We can get our chores done among the fits, the dirt…. I think that it does. I think that we are better. Even if we can’t always block the fighting, the crying…we know at one time we did. Even if it took a glass bottle of wine. We just know our kids and are not afraid to admit they are not perfect.

So next time the phone rings and my kids go ballistic in the background and someone says – “WHOA that is a lot of fighting, should I call back?” I am going to respond with any one of the following…that? Thanks for pointing it out to me, I have been so into my Facebook and ignoring them, that I totally forgot I had kids. ** Oh, wait, that noise? Yeah, that is loud, but no one has come to me bleeding…so it must be fine, I like to raise them like monkeys, survival of the fittest and all. Plus, I just through out candy on the floor and let them go at it. I figure it builds speed and endurance ***Yeah, sounds productive to me, that is just practice for sunday night family cage fighting? I would never belong to a family that did not do that. What kind of family or person are you? They

TO all my parents that now know – There is not better way to be a parent then to jump right in. Enjoy the week. PS- BEFORE You had kids we were good parents SHURRRR. What did we do that we felt so busy? What did we do…oh right SLEEP.

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someday or who knew…You decide.

SO somewhere today between a P!nk song – “Who Knew”  the Adele song “Someone like you” and the thought that my children were actually from the DEVIL. I thought about life, thanksgiving, future, past…I got to thinking I wish I could bottle the good, the laughs, the old memories, even high school things, grade school things that got me grounded.

There are days that are so GOOD that you don’t stop to count your blessings, you don’t stop to even think. You don’t know your suppose to. You don’t know how to stop. Just like the days you wake up – you never think ” I am not sick” but the day you wake up and realize you are…you know instantly that you are not you. Especially in comparison to the day before.

Then there are the days, that are filled with the blood and tears of little ones screaming, falling and just being kids that you think…whew, I should count my blessings at this moment  – they are all healthy. I know this because I can hear their lungs CLEARLY.

Days like today, where you make two trips to one school due to forgotten items, a trip to another due to the same thing. Then a millionth trip for a MAIN staple that some how every time you enter the grocery store you forget – when in reality it is because you have one child with you that thinks running and touching is the MOST fun ever. A child that then proceeds to LAY down in the middle of the aisle. 🙂 YEP! This is one of those days…I did laugh today though. Trust me, it is rare to just sit back, laugh instead of well – (you get the picture)…love that devil child…mmmm hmmmm love him. 😉

As the P!nk song goes…”if someone said three years from now you would be gone… ” it is true. WHO knew?

SO, I decided today., yep today. To enjoy this SECOND, this instant, listening to the fighting & think…who KNOWS…I am going to make a jar over the next few days. This jar will have a TON of bright paper in it. On each paper is going to be a good quality that my kids posses. HOPEFULLY when I go to do this project after Thanksgiving, I can find one or two of those qualities. Please wish me luck.  🙂
I will fill it the jar all the way up.

When we have a bad day. I will discipline – then I will let the child grab one thing out. I will read it aloud and remember / remind them (and me) who they are. Not just that they are DRIVE me crazy. MAYBE it will help me count my blessings….on good and bad days 🙂

For that – HAPPY Thanksgiving…and it is a blessing to be here, it is a blessing to know all the people I know. It is a sweet day after all.

AND  even with my sweet sweet thoughts – I am willing to take in gifts of ear plugs and Calagon.

HAPPY TURKEY DAY!

 

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Peonies


I love love peonies.

A peony can be a romantic shade or a bright color. And a perfect peony is full.

So if  I think about it those are all things that I would wish for myself (and my kids).

All of those things to a degree. I would love to be thought of as a romantic – I am often a dreamer – that is different, I understand but for the darn flower sake, and the fact that it is my blog, I say it is the same. There. done.  I just made a executive decision…only one of the day 😉

Bright  – I want to go out in my life and have people think of me as bright. NOW, I know that some of you will say – mmm she thinks or wants to be smart? No-no, I know who I am. I can be smart. I more often am a Smart Ass.  What I  mean is BRIGHT. Like if I was gone, I would be missed. Someone that can make someone’s dAy brighter. Just bright.

Full – yep. I like this quality too, to a degree. I tend to be full, mostly because I have no will power and eat too much. Beyond just the belly full type, I desire to be full. FULL of life, FULL of promise. FULL of day dreams. just full – each day. This is one to work on, daily.

So as the month changes further into a winter one – I will be pretending each day that I  might just come across a fresh peony and can live up to it. As it does for me.

Until then. I will be having another glass of wine. Why not accomplish one part of something – Full.

Happy Monday.

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IN A YEAR-

One can…I can…People Can
move
buy a new property
Get a new car (s)
Get a child to sleep in a big bed
Potty train
Read a thousand papers
/magazines…books
Feel so lonely it hurts
Talk out loud more times then you can admit
Have a zillion colds go through your house
Enjoy your friends fully
Feel left out
Have at least six events of your kids throwing up
Do a million loads of wash
Paint
Get a new couch
Start & Stop a diet
Love your sitters more & more
Wonder why your pants are too tight then too loose ( still hoping for the latter)
Love your family
Despise your family
Feel lonely
Feel loved
Out grow shoes
Feel Crowded
Worry about your kids nonstop
Wonder why your kids can make you so crazy
Miss your family, kids included
Meet a stranger on a plane that encourages you to write

Find a friend among your past, someone who you once knew, (it maybe someone who you did not know well back then) & wonder why you have not known them all along without interruption or had you made an effort years earlier, would you be better friends even more so now?
 

Find out who your true friends are and if they show for the important times, needs, or just even call you to let you know you exist

Experience something that is so heart wrenching that you think that you can’t make it another day.

Have a vacation of a lifetime


Get a hug each day


Realize you would love to write a book
You feel like you need to be doing something new
Donate money to several causes in a manner like never before
Go to an event that blows your mind
Want to do more with your life, make a difference, be someone
Shed more tears for a single person then you knew you had
Have an annual party and smile about it just like you did a year ago

IN A YEAR
you can remember the same someone every single day, multiple times

And sometimes sob about it, sometimes tear up and sometimes LAUGH 

ONE YEAR AGO…Nov. 9th, 2011
my mom passed away
…and each day seems to take a lifetime to get through without her

Each day I can feel the deep love for my kids (husband), and at times a crippling distance from those same people, because I miss her so much. Not in a depression way (see above, I smile too) I have great moments each day, week, etc…I could even say – SUPER moments. I have had some incredibly super things happen this year, some EYE opening things happen, some great conversations this year. I have also experienced a loss like never ever before. True HOLE in the heart hurting type of loss.

I miss her more & more.  I constantly wonder what we are missing out on with her not being here.
 

Even with the down part of this year. And it has been a downer, I  have learned a lot of things with in this year. Some good. Some bad. Some hard. Some lonely. Some with tears. Some with hard laughs. Some with hangovers. Some just lessons.

THIS year, I learned family can choose to come together…that everyone needs a break, that everyone needs a good time, looking forward to things is okay, that a brother can be a close friend, that someone you once fought can be your best friend, that instead of  always feeling like I am missing things, or should have done other things or want certain things that I should fully take part in what I have or at least the moments, times, emails, texts, things, I do have. It is okay to want more, to be more, to experience more, but don’t spread yourself so thin you forget what and who you are. Do not forget what you are good at, really good at – it most likely is being you. Even when you feel like the You that you know is gone, lost or heartbroken.  That the people in your family that come through for you – should be remembered, they too are REAL. (Velveteen Rabbit). You should recognize friends new & old, especially the ones that make you feel good that you are you and that always have the moments to pay it forward. 

Start today…pay for the coffee for the person behind you. Smile and carry someone’s bag, put away someone’s grocery cart…or simply call someone. 

One year ago, I lost my VERY BEST friend…but she would be proud of what I have learned all within a year, all the while still knowing, that she is missed. I can’t say “I miss you more than you know” anymore…she knows. I learned THAT in my heart within this year. She knows.

Katie Doerr
Nov. 9, 2011
Always, your daughter.

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Today this I know…

I turned 40 this summer. It was not as life changing as I thought. I did not wake up and look like a celebrity. But I did have a good time. And I still love Birthdays! And will always make a point to let people know…self promotion I can do!

I know that trying to blog and living away all summer with no internet – basically does not make for a great blogger, friend or person that follows through on stuff…(even though there are were a Zillion things worth mentioning) This is also true on having 7 birthdays all in October and a party we have thrown for 20years –  that can’t go on without planning.

I know that when you age party planning is totally different – sort of. Meaning that you still purchase stupid things to have fun with but you planned for them and ordered them ahead of time. You did not wait until the 11th hour to see where beer can be bought. I know that you worry more that people will have fun. But in the end you drink just as much.

I know... that this is a rough week for people I know due to loss and birthdays.

…that I love food. I know that is a bummer at times.

…that I love my family. That is not a bummer. (Even if  I yell and want to pull out my hair at times, I love them)

…that watching the Honey Badger makes me giggle still.

…that I get excited to drink sweet nines at Eno Vino.

… that I love to giggle.

…that I think that I can dance.

…that buying matching shoes with a friend makes me smile.

…that Friendship is hard to find. Especially as you age and I am truly lucky.

…that I have okay taste.  Wait, I think, I do.

I know that taking down my last crib was sadder then I thought – THEN I snapped out of it.

…that I love having the windows open.

I know I still pick at everything. my poor kids

…that I miss my mother so much my skin hurts. I know that Thursday is her birthday – She would be 61. I know that she was such a super person, she deserved to be here. I know that I will tell people I am glad she is not hurting this year. I know I don’t mean it in that I wish she was still here. I know that she is with me and at times probably disappointed. I miss her so much sometimes I check out. I know that other times she is happy – especially when I giggle and can check. So I hope that she smiles more then not. I know that she is with me in odd times and places. I know that she was glad we (my family) spent so much time together this summer. And that it is clear we are here for one another. always.

 

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