my spa day…

So, here it is DECEMBER.

SO let me start by tell you about Gift Certificates.
in my house for many years there was a variety of them.

last year my hubby got me – no wait- two years ago my hubby gave me a GIFT CERTIFICATE for a spa here in Wisconsin.

I was thrilled because it was a) first GC that was not hand written. b) it was actually paid for. Meaning: he did not just print something off a page of the website and say…I am going to get this or you should go and pick this up…

Let me back up and explain…in this house there are all sorts of G.C.’s. I owe you one morning of sleeping in, a back rub, taking the trash out, etc…..I have joked many times about the above GC as being false…

I.O.U one back massage – really means: between the hours of  ” I am not home and never”, and when you finally ask for it – “DO you still have that paper I wrote that on? ME: no  HE: then it is void now. just like a real voucher, without it – no good… figures.

Or I laugh about getting the ones that are pieces of paper printed from a website and how about how I am going to take those to the place and ask for my free item that my husband got me – hand the paper over and be escorted to the looney bin. Then of course I would try to pay off the cop with my old back rub certificates ;), or one morning to sleep in.

BACK to my story…I got this great gift. Due to life…I did not get to use it. I called them and was a day over the expiration date and they would not budge. Money – gone. My first G.C. – gone gone gone…

So last year he gave me another. TRY and TRY again ? TODAY, I  went to use it. It has taken me a full year to find the time and it was going to expire and I refused to lose the money again. IT was still in the orignal “gift” package it came in. I had not lost it, bent it – I had it! This alone was an accomplishment in this house. TRUST ME…in this house this is the stuff that happens – everything disappears, or destroyed…Just this am hubby asked me /told me – Jen why is there a foot/shoe scuff mark on our toilet? I went in to look and it was not a scuff…IT was MY MASACARA…now I have three tubes…but I refuse to figure out which one was used as toilet decor…see things disappear and/or get ruined.

quick debriefing:  JUST so you know yes, I think it is a privilege to get to go to a spa – yes, I am lucky to have it and all that jazz….so don’t worry don’t worry I know, I know…I sound snobby. I do not mean to be. I am well aware how great it is…I was equally as happy that it was a real card 🙂 

Forward on: I went today. I went with my sister-in-law. I looked forward to it. We got there
…and well…
Here is my story, the story of my real experience with my real gift certificate:

We were told to go to an alternative door (very secret agent like, without secret agent results). Once we entered it was a ? pit/mess/not fancy. From there the unfriendly ladies – albeit they looked good, fancy escorted us down a trash.linen.dirty hallway (THE BACK hallway) to the locker room that was pristine and great. SO far, half good half WHAAATTT? Why was this the entry – because…wait for it…THEY are doing a renovation – the floor to be exact. Never mentioned that.

THE FLOOR – which requires a machine close to a say  – jack hammer.

yep. jack hammer like noise. so relaxing…nothing says relax like your brain rattling to and fro. In some way my brain said, look I am home.

My massage was good, after I was RUSHED to get in there… – so no complaints and all kuddos.

We then decided to get lunch. Which turns out is all an open area and directly above where they are JACK-hammering / sawing what ever, the fun noise was.  It was so loud you might as well have been naked in the sidewalk of new york as they erected (funny word) a skyscraper. (wait do people call them that anymore? you know one of them tallish buildings in a big city)  we got our appetizer…laughing, YELLING at one another.

THEN my brave sister-in-law complained, had to go to the front desk to do it because no one else (wait we were the only fools trying to eat) but no staff cared about us. AND if you know anything about me…I am a huge wimp!

HUGE. I would rather complain to you folks, or cry in my sleep then complain. I once came home and cried because I could not get service somewhere…and let me tell you – it was not a pretty woman event. I was told to suck it up and deal with life…and if you read the line before this…well I have yet to do that.

We waited – she came and said our meal was coming out – NO wait, she came back and said: we are going to move you – We were then taken to one of the hotel rooms and got to eat the rest of our meal next to a bed and tub…nice but odd. Well, only odd if sitting in a robe in a cozy romantic room with your family member is odd. IT did look like an amazing shower – super cool, but not really a shower moment. At this point and a mimosa later…it was just comical. Our day consistent of noise, rude people, being reprimanded ,slips, spills and other people’s bad swim suits.

SO, I made it home, alive and well. We laughed talking about it. In the end I still had a nice day. I got to use up my real gift certificate…and when I walked in the door, the first thing my girls wanted, was pedicures.

My girls wanted their toes done. Not because I did. I did not. They remembered I said I would sometime, like a real pedicure. Even had A GC made for it. I can honestly say I took the time and treated them like I would have wanted my spa day to be and they are thrilled…even if they did not turn in their Hand Written G.C.  I honored the request…only that someday when their dad gives them a real one – they know what to really expect 🙂

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Wanna see Crazy – Eat next to me…

let me tell you something about noise…After this…well you will see I have a bit of crazy in me. okay some might say a whole lot of crazy. this is just one bit…

Noise come in two types. (okay I know there are a ton of types, but lately there are two in this house)

1 – I can tune out…this is the one where I hear – NOISE  but don’t react or nod pretending to respond – the noise that when on the phone someone says “that sounds pretty bad over there you okay?” to which I stop and think, really had not noticed. hold let me see…and sure enough there is tears, and yelling, and your kid is standing there – bloody from a snowball (ice) and you have tuned out the screaming until just then. MOTHER OF THE YEAR HERE. darn noise. wait what ? did you hear that?

THEN THEN THEN there is this type…

2  – MY pet peeve, so much so I once broke up with someone over it. Hearing the crunching, not sure how to describe what it is exactly… I will try – if a person is next to you and crunching on croutons (mouth shut even) but you hear EVERY crunch…I just can’t tune out THAT noise. I seriously – freak inside. Every hair on my back stands up. which feels terrible, and makes me concerned. Why would I feel that much hair? What does it look like back there, I am getting older but really? do I have that much hair? Do I need to wax? – oh sorry, I digress back to my pet peeve… A guy once crunched his cereal so loud, again mouth closed (I of course did not ever see him in the a.m. it was an afternoon feeding…of course because I am innocent like that) but I thought I would die. I could not take it. After that bowl hit the sink…I broke up. Just like that.

Now days, it happens with my husband, God Bless (my southern friends tell me if I say god bless after saying something negative it negates the bad-ness said…so as you can guess, I have been saying it a ton lately). Now I have not ever thought of breaking up over it with him…but it could make me well, not a nice person.  BUT lately, these days my KIDS. The things, creatures, little pieces of me  fruits of my loin that I am to love unconditionally – do it. I want to reach across the table and well take all their teeth out, one by one. which I can only guess would not be in the parent handbook. At least not one that is excepted. Then again,  let me know, if it is. I would love to have at it.

IS there any noise that just puts you over the edge? THIS is the one, I mean it. Whining is close but it is can be muffled, ignored, drank through, so that makes it nowhere near that crunch noise…

ARGH!!!!!!!!! yes, I am a wee bit crazy.

just thinking about it makes me. NUTTY!

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the TIES that bind



I came from a family that was BOUND. I mean  – my mother was always involved when it came to holidays, birthdays, vacations, events. There was no if’s and’s or buts about it. (I said butts 🙂 ) she would ask you (tell YOU, all the while pretending to ask you) what the holiday plans were. What vacation plans were. THEY were always super. Don’t get read me wrong. There was a time you would hum and haw over them, be mad that my birthday was spent on a boat, be  mad to have to bend and drive to her… but now today I would do anything to have people want to spend that time with me (to have another holiday with her). I would and look forward to those events. And all events these days.

Indian Lake

Indian Lake


trio trouble

So what is it that binds us ? Is it being married? Is it that you were born in a threesome? Is it a club? Is it a life long friend? A new one? Wearing the same shoes? (especially if we have the same size and we can share 😉 )

Even with the loss of my mom I find there are times I mourn her and think…what is it, what is it today that I am mourning…not always what I think.  What I have concluded is – it is the loss of a bind.cousins I have many great great binds in my life. But, she was consistent on her tie to us. She always asked what we did on the weekend, how we are, what are plans were, told you she was proud…and she was the one that was STEADfast about being with us. Making us realize we were bound together and it mattered. It really mattered to her. She was the one that made sure we knew one another – we knew our cousins, we knew her friends, we knew her. She always made sure we knew we counted. I like to think that is what she gave us. A warm feeling and bonding. I talk to my brother three times a day. Why? ( I have a lot to say? or I am …weird…) OR well, we are bonded. My mom wanted that. Gave us each other and that. She wanted that to continue…

in tribute to...

in tribute to…

I have been thinking lately – how she was so warm and made even the most hermit of people feel like getting out – because she would ask about you. Much like my spirit post…she made you belong – or want to…

your own

your own ties…

I think that it is a matter of heart and mind. It is friendship. It is feeling seen. It feeling like your wanted. You matter. NO matter the distance. Or the relationship.

I have decided that I am lucky. I have that feeling about so many people in my life. I love them. Yes, sometimes I want to choke them, snuff them out – make them go away. But, I truly know what it is like to miss that bind. That tie. And I would never want to feel it more than I have to. So know, think and bond. Know this, I do care, hear, see each of you that I communicate with. I do. You matter, and we are bound. No matter how odd that sounds. Even if my binding is suffocating. I mean well.

are we far or near? (the bean)

are we far or near? (the bean)

I feel that we should let others feel the same. Not just because it is the season or your having a good time…just do it because…it matters…

these ties that bind us.

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spirit is a word that automatically brings up feelings. when you hear it you feel something. it may not be the ones that the cheer squad has, it may not be the one of a dying woman taking her last breath, it may feel – yes feel – like something.

we all have spirit. we have it all the time, in all difference ways.

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SPIRIT is a word that automatically brings UP a feeling. When you hear it. It almost feels like you have to feel something. (now now…what you may feel is a small amount of heartburn from such sweetness, bare with me) I swear it is true. It may not be the ones that the cheer squads have (never had that type, I am pretty sure my family would have snuffed that spirit from me if i was peppy annoying), it may not be the one of a dying person taking their last breath, but I swear it feels like something.


We all have spirit. It is something we have with us all the time. There are times you are a happy spirit, and then there is the dark cloud of a spirit. Take a moment to think of someone anyone and then say the word spirit. It most likely conjures a vision of something – spirit. Yes, even if you wear blue blockers!

I am hung up on this…because I have been low on spirit – the month of November kicked my arse and some. Missing my mom, sick kids, long days… I took to completely feeling sorry for myself at times: things learned:  A) feeling sorry for yourself great for one’s spirit (NOT)  b) really lame tv is on c) your hygiene can go to pot (not that kind…toothbrushing, then again…) but on the upside  you have d)  you can wear crappy pants all day, and be okay with it. Seriously. One thing after another, that darn November got me!

I told myself that as December started I would not be so quick to let it get to me. So here it is day 5 and can honestly say – going well. (no fingers crossed even when saying that)

AND with my thinking of a way to stay on top of it, I have been looking/stalking/ watching spirit.

Spirit can be found in simple places – such as on Pinterest, when a great quotes lifts up your spirits. It can be found as your child says something that can go either way on the spirit chart. I mean it – some days I could eat each one of them. I’d learn to live with the heartburn – gladly.  Other days I watch them, and realize they are so FULL of spirit in good ways – loving, giggling, innocent, happy, believing.

I watched my son at an appointment the other day – laughing inside to myself – spirit. He is one way at home, and there – he sat full of “spirit”. Grinning at the people, smirking, smiling as they asked him questions and doing this little sweet face…it is his spirit that plays people to just love him. All the while at home, his spirit is more – well impish. You can have in any given moment, varieties of spirits in a home, especially with kids. I had one child tonight – who, well, his spirit was broken. Feeling bad about friends etc…and then after fun with siblings and an outing was somewhat RE-spirited on life. (IN the meantime my spirit hurt for him, now better as well).kids

I sat at a girl’s night out recently, awing at all the SPIRITS (and spirits – sip sip) going on in the room. All so different but in some ways so completely the same – whether we want to think it is true or not. Mothers, wives, friends, sisters, daughters, aunts…moving, talking, being. Keeping positive, doing what we can for us, others, holidays…our spirits effecting/affecting one another. Helping and greeting one another

Spirit is the thing that makes you say –I am tired. It is the thing that when your down and you hear someone else’s story. You want to help. It is the thing you get when you feel depleted and go to do something even if it is for yourself that you walk way feeling rejuvenated. It is the story from a person about laxatives & attending Pilates while experiencing the laxative- that just makes you laugh and laugh. Filling your SPIRIT…oh and of course…learn that it is a bad bad combination. Dangerous and dirty.


It is reading a good book or seeing a movie that you don’t want to end because it fills you so and when it does end, feeling empty because what will you read or see next that will fill you the same.

Spirit is the holidays – alive & thinking of others. Wanting & wishing you could do more & give more –  often. To feel the SPIRIT all year.

It is the things you get from a phone call – a good friend that makes you feel warm and remembered.  Having a glass of wine and a fire…warm spirits. It is the walk across the street to share a glass of wine, swap laughs, stories. It is sitting in bed on a sunday am with kids watching cartoons. It is a good cry in the shower missing someone…all these things make up our spirits.


Spirits are pretty AMAZING. In all ways. MY spirit is ALIVE thinking about it. I love when I can indulge in spirits and babble about the internal ones too.

May your spirits greet you tomorrow with a FEELING, whatever it maybe go with it…but don’t linger to long…it will change again. Or do what you can – give a shout out…and hope if nothing else – someone brings you SPIRITS (in any form).

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sooooooo. Where to start this one. This is not one of the things I have written over the summer to put out there, but it is where I AM today.

family shadows

ME in a globe: Good, Happy, Alive, Silly, still missing my mom a ton – more than I would have expected at this time. And yet, happy to have life move forward in other regards. I am happiest for those things around me that are having happiness again.

sIgH. BUT I sit here, right – here. In this place, at this moment. I am not sure what it is. I hear the kids playing – it is a great sound. laughing, fighting, maybe even spitting. I hear the keyboard, I feel the dog at my feet. and I feel – not sure.

There are days (moments more like, because they pass fast)  as I get older that I could brag that with age comes ? wisdom, laughter, happiness and there are days(seconds, minutes) (though much fewer) that we wonder about ourselves. Who are we? What skills do I have? Where am I going? Why am I a worrier? Where does my family see me? Where do I belong? Am I a good friend?

Taken apart it is all logical – well – I belong here a) because who would take over my gaggle? who would (yes yes someone) but seriously if I passed today not only would my  WILL have to have money it for 5 it would have to have a life time of wine! 🙂 b) I belong here because I am happiest when in a familiar setting – and what is more familiar than your own home? I am the only one that can ever find stuff, I am the one that knows what lies all stuffed in those drawers or closets. I am the only one in the minute that knows the status of the wash. So do I belong? sure.

Where am I going – according to the calendar numerous places, according to me? um? here? Is that so bad not to know? someday it feels like a burden – ACCOMPLISH more, make people proud. Other days your like – I ROCK, I brushed my teeth, that was an accomplishment. The age-old question what do I want to be when I grow up? Well, today I want to be something. Really I do. What I mean by that is, something different. hopefully a children’s book writer and maybe in the healthcare field, or maybe just a babbler? Who know what tomorrow will tell me, just a junk collector, OR better yet, maybe just a super super lottery winner….

Where does my family see me? mmmm another – HERE, at a computer right now. Next to them in bed when they can’t sleep. BUT my elder family? I don’t know. Do they think that I am someone who does nothing? Do they think that I am a friend? Do they think that I am someone to be proud of? Do they think I am needy (that answer is yes, but moving on) as I reflect on this paragraph of run on’s – I am a worrier.

So,  I am going to get up – RIGHT Now and do something. what that will be? yet to come…good things come to those who wait – I guess. 🙂

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oKaY lame…i have not written.

well i have written just been mostly in places that do not have internet…so coming soon….content. lots of it. not thinking that you have to read it. or like it or come back. but hey if your bored. please do starting tonight 🙂

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