Okay, I was in the shower and it dawned on me…my cousin mentioned to me that she had dropped the ball on life after a family tragedy. I have done the same. That is why this blog may help me find my sanity back…Bare with me while I get this part off my chest.
My mom was diagnosed with Non Hodgkins right after my family took the trip of a lifetime. We were all together (@21 of us, some pregnant) in the Cayman Islands and had a super super week. Only to come home to find this out. Over the course of her fight (@20 months) she was constantly given bad news. She never lessen the fight or did not put a smile on. Then this October mid month – after a summer well spent with us close by and as a family (a rough one for her at times due to the disease) and after a summer party of all parties, she was given good/great hopeful news. October marked her 60th birthday. We went to dinner, smiled and looked forward. She died November 9th.
Let me tell you about her. She was my world (as she was to many). She was a core to a family, she was a great Nonny, she was a friend, a mentor, a secret keeper, a best friend…a mother. She always defended us, and always stuck up and with us.
What most won’t mention is the hole she has left behind.
I was blessed to have a mother that put her children first. A mother at times that I believe liked my kids more than I on hard days. One that always gave good advice. One example was on my wedding…”remember, in life you have to love the person everyday…but you do not have to like them everyday.” Think about it, I love my kids and would do anything for them (and spouse) but some days they can push the limit of like. Those are the things that I am trying to take with me as I move forward. The attitude. The values she had.
I long to hear her laugh, I long to see her smile. It will happen. I have faith. (Don’t get me wrong, there is some hard questioning what my faith is…but it is faith)
She was clumsy, funny, silly, witty, one you never left alone in the kitchen, one you did not let “clean” your house since she threw out stuff, she deemed unnecessary. One that could get you to laugh so hard you asked for the bathroom. One that could use her sharp tongue for good (or bad depending which side you were on), one that had great taste, one that always matched, one that had great jewels, one that NEVER failed to let her husband or kids know that through ups and downs she loved them unconditionally, and forever. We are lucky.
I have learned who my friends are. I have learned who my mom’s friends were. I have learned about her relationships. I now have to go forward and this blog will help me. I know it. I also know that I am supported. She loved many and deeply. One thing I can say: there is nothing better when we see one shed a tear for her. A person you did not expect – that makes you stop and remember she was real and she made a difference to those around her.
Take a moment to remember my mom – and thank her as I do…for those she left me surrounded by. And for those who struggle with me daily, Dan, Jamie (and others) may we remember all those things that made her “ours”.
(I have others to help to: Laurie, Chris, Pjay, Michelle, Holly – and even more family members) Love to them all.