Rules and Adaptations or something fancy like that…

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Stella, Katie, Theron, Nephew Ryder, and Oliver...

Some one gave me a book once called
I WAS A REALLY GREAT MOM BEFORE I HAD KIDS

I love that concept.

All the things you said in your head out loud. All the things that your family members (younger/ older, say about your kids…mainly because they are so ancient they do not remember raising them or never ever had a kid)

HERE are my examples –

EXAMPLE: You were in a store thought – Who in the hell thought bringing a kid to the toy store was a good idea? WHY don’t they stop them from screaming? I totally would never do that to my kid.

NOW REAL LIFE: (This goes for ANY store, at ANY given time but for example sake….we will do a toy scenario) Ugh! I say to myself, have to get that last-minute gift for a kid… that I JUST remembered now. I am ALREADY at target and yes, I know to avoid the toy aisle. BUT come on – I only have one kid with me. How bad can this be….fast forward 8 nano seconds and you have a screaming kid SIDE NOTE: SOMETIMES I think that I am raising irish whalers – if you ever need a crier at a funeral, PLEASE feel free to contact me. I seem to have what ti takes to get anyone of the kids to cry at ANY given time. I digress, back to my scene…My child is on the floor and I think? MMM…the toy I want is in the next aisle, just steps from where I am, IT IS at the end. I know HE is NOT going to be moving, this I know. (Side note: all my other kids freaked if I walked away. I now have one that could.care.less) Okay, I will duck around the corner (four steps) grab it, it’s not like I can’t hear him and I will be back to deal with him. As you step back into the aisle – the NON kid person says “wow you have your hands full.” Really? Along with other things go through your brain. That is your big contribution to my situation? WOW. Thanks. Why, yes I do. OR you can do like me and say: Oh, I only left him there because Target has the best exchange policy, and this is the aisle I found him in originally. I only stepped back – because you looked interested and I thought I would tell you all he has to offer. Like listen – his lungs are A+.

SEE what you have learned after having kids. NO matter what aisle you are in – YOU do not have a direct wire to your kids brains. You know the one you could just push to zap them into good behavior. You do not control them. At least not the way you would like at all times (sometimes yes but – ) You have learned you just have to keep functioning. No choice.

EXAMPLE: Who let’s their kids outside when it is cold with no coat, let alone no shoes and socks? DO they have nuts for brains?

REAL LIFE: Who DOES that? ME. That’s who. If you knew all the wrestling that has been done in this house for a coat… I have begged at times to put coats on. Offered candy, rewards (yes more things I said I would NEVER ever do)…but no one listens. So now, on a chilly day – I say to myself – Fine! You want to go out to play – go you’ll be sorry. I don’t have it in me to fight any more….AH heck, they will come back if they are cold, they just will. It will be their problem and my deodorant will not be put to the test. THAT IS who! People like ME.

SEE what you have learned to pick battles and yes this is an important one…but really in the grand scheme? Really? USE this fight or battle for the toy aisle. I figure that when the neighbor says stuff at the bus stop like: Did you not see your kids yesterday, they did not have socks on? I will respond – I knew they had gotten out, but it was just to cold for me to go outside to look for them. 😉 Next time since you seem to be able to watch them so well, could you fetch them and get them into coats.

SIDE NOTE: My oldest and his buddy – up the way, all last winter ran back and forth without coats, socks or shoes…Even at times that were pretty cold…BOTH lived, and are great at math and reading – IS there something to the cold? Probably not….but never rule it out – smarties 🙂

EXAMPLE: IF I had kids they would be dressed like a million bucks, not stupid t-shirts AND they would never be dirty. Always combed hair and looking proper.

REAL LIFE: You do buy nice clothes but only to hide all the above: the dirt, the uncombed hair, the bad breathe. Even with that your child will adopts some foreign character they love and you concede and let them wear a shirt with the icky character to bed. All the while bleaching the heck out of it so that it fades and you don’t have it for long. You have a child that goes APE shit (excuse the fancy language…I should say – goes wildly unstable) when you wash them (hands or face) and it is a nice day so forget it – send them outside! They are going to get dirty anyway…Why not just do ONE clean up later, you know way LATER. YOU have a daughter with the Craziest curls and they form knots that a sailor would be proud of. She acts like you have just beaten her with an electric eel when you comb it. So you decide to just act like she has bed head each day. Knowing full well you just avoided a fight and she does not have behead just neglect. But you were on time for school.

SO my point today? I say this to all parents. DO these things make us bad parents? Or in the end, are we better parents? We know our children just that well. We can block the screaming. We can avoid the fighting. We can get our chores done among the fits, the dirt…. I think that it does. I think that we are better. Even if we can’t always block the fighting, the crying…we know at one time we did. Even if it took a glass bottle of wine. We just know our kids and are not afraid to admit they are not perfect.

So next time the phone rings and my kids go ballistic in the background and someone says – “WHOA that is a lot of fighting, should I call back?” I am going to respond with any one of the following…that? Thanks for pointing it out to me, I have been so into my Facebook and ignoring them, that I totally forgot I had kids. ** Oh, wait, that noise? Yeah, that is loud, but no one has come to me bleeding…so it must be fine, I like to raise them like monkeys, survival of the fittest and all. Plus, I just through out candy on the floor and let them go at it. I figure it builds speed and endurance ***Yeah, sounds productive to me, that is just practice for sunday night family cage fighting? I would never belong to a family that did not do that. What kind of family or person are you? They

TO all my parents that now know – There is not better way to be a parent then to jump right in. Enjoy the week. PS- BEFORE You had kids we were good parents SHURRRR. What did we do that we felt so busy? What did we do…oh right SLEEP.

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About snotarant

i am a janitor, maid, haus frau, mother to a five pack, a listener, a hugger, a sigher, a happier, a wine lover, a foodie, a hunter, a gatherer, a cook, a wife, a mother, a triplet mom, pedicure lover, a hugger, a crier, and sometimes just me... AND beware. I write like I talk...a little - well un-correct.
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