weekend update…

I had the privelage to attend the Bucket List Bash – a Benefit for the American Cancer Society in Naples, Florida over the weekend. It was a real eye opener on so many levels for me.

Cheers...and always sunshine

Yellow frame for my Sunny MOM!

Let me begin. I went to the benefit because my mom was a co-chair. She passed away and her Co-Chair Donna had to carry on without her. Donna put together a great event: the colors, the music, the auction – all super. I had not however, antipicated how hard it would be to be there. I went there with joy in my heart thinking of my mom and of how much fun she would have there. How proud of the event she would be…the money raised for the kids wanting to attend R.O.C.K Camp…and how happy she would be having us all together.

As it started…the feeling was still joy but I got the overwhelming sense of – loss. Loss of family. Loss of my mom. Loss of friendships. Loss of tears. Loss for others. Loss – I  felt as if I could not breathe. I missed my mom in such a strong sense. In every sense. Very hard, to say the least. But, this was just one of my eye openers over the weekend- THIS is what I learned:

LESSON ONE: You can feel someone all around you – you can feel you are moving forward – you can be proud and happy and yet – you have to honor sadness no matter where or when the time hits…it will linger longer and louder if you don’t.

Next was I was so excited to spend one night alone – YEP alone in a house with no one but a dog. Well, what I learned is when you have not been alone in 7+ years…alone is scary. So with that,

LESSON TWO: sometimes you think that you will miss one thing and it turns out – no. It turns out you think that you won’t miss anything at all. well not so.  You don’t always miss the obvious. I did not miss my mom more than normal as I sat in her house all alone…What I missed was those that are living. I am not sure being alone was even appreciated. I learned that I value my time with my family so much more. My time spent in Naples was surrounded by those I crave more time with. I actually felt it. I crave time with PEOPLE. Certain people 😉 Even more so now days.

why would anyone leave this?

LESSON THREE: (these are in no real order the more I think about it) I learned that drinking cream drinks is okay, however after those do not mix with lemon shots…they tend to curdle the drink had with the cream before. Leaving you – well ill. VERY. ill.

LESSON FOUR: the transition back to reality is really a slap. A loud, knee buckling slap. My kids were/are normal – meaning they cried, fought, screamed made messes – they were not in some sort of magical land where they were transformed into new little humans…they are still normal. When you arrive home at night after all have been in bed, and the house is quiet. Don’t do what I did, sigh, smile and say it is so nice to be home, and it is so sweet & peaceful. BE well be prepared for a super slap the next morning if you do that. Come home say it is great to be home but remind yourself this quiet is only temporary. Soon, you will awake to kids yelling stuff like “check it out mom! You can open your eyes now and see me wiggle my hips, yes it is still dark out mom, mom, mom, mom…” (and yes, I am still happy to see them)

Finally my final LESSON Sometimes when the person that was your TREE

nothing beats these trees...I wish, wish they grew here.

Your root system – is gone, you worry about those around you and what will happen. You realize that relationships like leaves may change….but the reason that your TREE flourished and was such a great TREE…was the soil and the other branches that helped her grow. LOOK for the good branches, and hold the soil, not the falling leaves…

Can you see the heart? It was placed there by my stepdad to surprise my mom when building the house.

they will still be there holding your Heart and hands –

and maybe even pouring you a glass of wine.

About snotarant

i am a janitor, maid, haus frau, mother to a five pack, a listener, a hugger, a sigher, a happier, a wine lover, a foodie, a hunter, a gatherer, a cook, a wife, a mother, a triplet mom, pedicure lover, a hugger, a crier, and sometimes just me... AND beware. I write like I talk...a little - well un-correct.
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1 Response to weekend update…

  1. Heather Paris says:

    Nice reflection on the weekend Jen. I had a great time laughing and suffering with you. Lots of great moments to rememeber. Hope the transistion back was not too brutal. Thinking of you and your crew. Much Love

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